Incidentally could the British Tourist Board erect a big sign somewhere in the Lake District

(Incidentally, could the British Tourist Board erect a big sign somewhere in the Lake District saying: "Last Tory Seat Before John O'Groats"?) But I never did see Michael Portillo exit stage left, pursued by a vengeful electorate And I feel cheated.So here is what I suggest. Whether I was making a cup of tea, or fast asleep, or flicking around to see if there was anything better on the other side, I just didn't see it. I was in a small flat at 44 Addison Road, London W8, and if I had known then what I know now I would have turned to my wife and said: "Well, of course, it's sad in a way when a president gets killed, but it's probably the best thing that could have happened to Kennedy's career, as he will now never have his name blackened by the Vietnam war but will go down in history as a good guy, even though they will make too many movies about him and his lovely widow will marry a fat Greek millionaire ..."But nobody says, "Do you remember where you were when Portillo was ousted?" because they know the answer: "I was slumped in front of a TV set with a glass in my hand, cheering raucously, hoarsely and not very politely."That, however, is not my answer To be truthful, I missed Portillo's comeuppance. Close runners-up to this are "Did you see Mellor losing his rag?" and "Did you see Neil Hamilton get his comeuppance?" but it is definitely the Portillo moment that gets the prize You can see why, in a way. Here was the leading contender for the Tory leadership being ousted from the contest, rather like the chief suspect being killed off in the last-but- one act, so you suddenly have to revise all your ideas of the denouement.At one point I was reminded of that other legendary question: "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was killed?" Yes, I still do. The general agreement is that it was a great night, even if you didn't like the result - a bit like a football match in which one side was so awesomely good that even the other side's supporters couldn't help admiring the goal-scoring. My interlocutors then usually go on to pick out a particular moment for praise, usually the moment when Michael Portillo's defeat was announced."Did you see the moment when Portillo realised he had been beaten?" is the usual remark, varied with "Did you see the moment when young what's his name, the Labour bloke, Twigg, realised that he'd actually beaten Portillo?". They don't mean the Eurovision Song Contest or the welcome arrival of rain They mean the election night.

Now, it stands to reason that a lot of people who sat up were Tory voters, who don't think it was such a great night, but I haven't heard anyone going around saying "Terrible, wasn't it?" Nor have I heard of anyone going unwittingly up to a Tory voter, saying "Great, wasn't it?" and getting a punch in the nose. Even though the election was nearly two weeks ago, which means that the next one must be less than five years away and getting closer all the time, people I have not seen since then are still coming up and saying "Great, wasn't it?" They never say what they are talking about, but I always know. This would only be a starter towards the rebuilding of the ravage done to this potentially rich but poverty-stricken country and be a warning to any future dictator KENNETH C McCRAE Castle Douglas. Sir: You report that the Conservative Party leadership candidate John Redwood wishes to restore a sense of "fun in Conservative politics" ("Fun-seeking Redwood goes in quest of converts", 7 May) I would like to set his mind at rest.

Millions of British citizens derived immense fun from the performance of the Conservative Party on 1 May. I look forward to seeing the Conservative Party, whether under John Redwood or not, providing similar pleasure at the next general election. BRIAN TUTTLondon EC2. Sir: The courts have just imposed massive fines to deprive a fraudster of his ill-gotten gains (Report, 9 May). The UN, through the International Court at the Hague, should do the same to President Mobutu, whose personal aggrandisement deprived his country's public and municipal infrastructure of proper maintenance. Enlightened authorities provide cycle lanes to make it safer to cycle on the road, and special cycle lanes to make it possible for cyclists to go the wrong way down a one-way street.